Problem Solving to Barry White

6 Aug

With Emotional Intelligence (EQ) problem solving can be defined as “the ability to be careful and methodical in solving problems where emotions are involved. Problem solving includes the ability to understand how emotions impact decision making.” So you see, it’s not just about making choices, but also understanding your emotions.

Now, say you are in the heat of the moment – a crisis when a problem needs to be solved immediately. Something like driving down the road and a car swerves into your lane. In the blink of an eye, you’ve made a choice . . . but have you problem solved? What’s the emotional fallout of that split second decision?

If you’re like me, you start doubting your decision, and then you start doubting yourself.

The truth is, I do not like driving on the highway. The speed makes me very uncomfortable, and as I drive with that discomfort, I begin to doubt my abilities on the road. Now that in itself is a problem to solve, isn’t it? How can we handle the emotions that come with making necessary decisions, and how can we create the best outcome – the best emotional experience – from those moments of choice?

I was at a Tony Robbins event not long ago, and Tony was showing us the power of tone (tone and location) in impacting our emotions. He showed us how the messages we deliver to ourselves change when the tone of choice is altered. It was fascinating stuff.

So, not long after that event, I found myself driving down Carp Road in Ottawa. It was a nice day, things were going well – when all of a sudden, the car coming toward me swerves into my lane! My impulse took over and I moved my car onto the shoulder as the other car passed by. And afterward, my inital reaction was, “Was that okay? Did I do it wrong?” It wasn’t supportive feedback, it was instead full of anxiety.

“Problem solving requires a good feedback loop of non- judgment or stickiness we may have about thoughts and emotions that do not serve us.”

And so I decided to try Tony’s method of shedding that sticky anxiety. Instead of hearing my own voice in my head, I imagine hearing Barry White crooning into my ear, telling me that everything was “Alright, you did good Cam. You did really, really good.” And my body just relaxed. I had done well, and with Barry White telling me that – the anxiety suddenly disappeared. My body relaxed.

That’s kind of incredible, no? Just a change in perspective, and suddenly I was providing myself with positive feedback. I had solved the problem, and that felt good. When my inner critic was reprogrammed, my natural response changed as well.

High five for Barry White!

cararesourcesThere are many different exercises in NLP that can help alter your emotional experience when problem solving. Today we’re reaching into our vault and pulling out an exercise that helps you refocus your attention, just like Barry did for me in the car. CLICK HERE to access the PDF exercise, and try the disassociation/association questions toward the end. We’d be so interested to hear your thoughts on problem solving, and your reaction to the exercise.

Till next time, stay well,


Camille Boivin is founder of Sister Leadership, certified in EQi 2.0 and EQ360, a master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), has been coaching high-level women and men for over six years, and is now opening her expertise to those emerging in business. Camille pulls her blog topics from her unique coaching approach that combines her training as a EQi 2.0 and EQ360 certified facilitator with the dig-deeper tools of NLP.

Get in touch here if you’d like to talk with Cam about group or one-on-one coaching, and EQ assessments. With the miracle of Skype and telephones – distance is no issue!


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