Digging Deeper with Emotional Intelligence

6 May

The wonderful thing about using Emotional Intelligence (EQ-i 2.0) as a tool, is that it allows us to explore our own thoughts (and pin-point where we have judgements and beliefs that may not be helping). Sounds lovely doesn’t it? Imagine you could look into the mirror and not see the lines, the marks, the dark patches – imagine all you saw was the truth without any fixation or the negative. You’d be seeing something far more beautiful than you realized, I’m certain.

Well that perception (even with your biases) is what Emotional Intelligence works with – it is, in a sense, a review of your thoughts.

This isn’t a new idea. You can trace it back and beyond that powerful expression, “Know thyself.” And the truth is that if you ever want to create a long-term and lasting change in any area of your life, you are going to first need to understand what feeds the beliefs that have taken you to that current situation.

Basically, if you want to change for the better – your beliefs, your perceptions, your deep-down emotional responses all need to be congruent with that change.

Have you ever asked a team member for something – like maybe they can stop eating chips so loudly at their desk, or stop letting their mobile phone ring for five minutes, or get you that report on time each week? And for a little while they are doing their best . . . but then . . . things go back to how they were before.

Why? Is is because the world has started-spinning backward? Is it because they don’t like you? Or could it be because that change you asked of them didn’t really settle deeply into their understanding. They don’t understand that the sound of potato chips crunching gives you flashbacks to childhood days when bullies stole your lunch snack and ate it all while you watched and listened. (Just an example! I hope this never really happened to you.)

What if you are the person who keeps handing in the reports late, and the boss is on your case? Maybe you work hard for a while  and push yourself to deliver, but then start feeling overwhelmed again? Don’t you wonder what your beliefs are saying on the subject? They are likely telling you all along that you won’t succeed. Oh yeah, those little wrigglers of self-doubt are in your mind, and if not directly tackled they will stay in your mind and impact your work and how you feel.

Basically, if you want to appeal to others and/or to yourself, you need to connect those changes on the level of thoughts, feelings and beliefs. It’s like dandelions (since spring is here – woohoo!) – the root is what really matters.

So here’s my question for you: What has been your biggest shift in beliefs that brought you success? Can you think of a time you fully embraced an idea that created some awesome change? What emotion did that connect to? How did it feel?

What about when you might have been acting in a way that wasn’t sustainable? How did you shift that situation?

I’d love to hear your success stories of when a change took place at the deepest level. Share with us here, or by email, or through our social media pages. We look forward to digging deep with you over the next few weeks. Stay curious!

(And by the way, you might be interested to look up the concept of ‘logical levels’ by Robert Dilts. More to come on that later!)

Till next week,

Camille Boivin is founder of Sister Leadership, certified in EQi 2.0 and EQ360, a master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), has been coaching high-level women and men for over six years, and is now opening her expertise to those emerging in business. Camille pulls her blog topics from her unique coaching approach that combines her training as a EQi 2.0 and EQ360 certified facilitator with the dig-deeper tools of NLP.

Get in touch here if you’d like to talk with Cam about group or one-on-one coaching, and EQ assessments. With the miracle of Skype and telephones – distance is no issue!


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